Peter, My Love, My Best Friend, My Hero

I met my husband back in 2006, ah I still remember it like it was yesterday!!!! He was so QUIET!!!! and naturally I was so LOUD! When I met him, I cant say it was LOVE at first sight but it was definitely awe at first sight and I knew there was something about him I wanted to get to know more of.... fast forward 2011, He is deployed right now, and I just cant wait to have him home again. I miss his silly jokes, staying up late when we would know that the next day we would both be SOOO TIRED specially when the kids were in bed super early! I miss HIS HELP definitely! I miss us 5 having dinner together, I miss his smile! I miss watching him play with the kids, I miss having someone to talk to, the only person that can always make it better. Specially when I was having a hard time dealing with Autism. Sometimes I secretely miss Yuma, not because of what YUMA IS lol but because I had my husband home! Today, I was driving to Pendleton to go apply for housing and of course like always long rides and listening to music remind me so much of Peter! A song i heard that i used to think was SOOO ANNOYING and he would play it FULL BLAST on his way to work started playing and I couldnt change the radio station, and how annoying it was that I knew all the words! because it isnt a song I was a big fan of lol Then I heard songs from when we first started listening to country music together... I got all emotional but in a good way. It made me smile because I know he is thinking about us just how we always think of him. I truly cannot wait for my husband to be back home! but its all "downhill" from here, we have made it just a little over 4months, so only a few more left!!! ahh I cant wait! I truly miss my best friend!

Ballet

Emily has started ballet lessons. She is so excited when she goes!!! I have taken some videos to show daddy but Emily enjoys watching them herself. She has been to two classes so far and I can see how happy she is when we leave! She even practices at home at times! I think if at the end of the session she really likes it I will put her in full time, I still want her to try gymnastics and karate. I felt so bad when I first took her because other girls there looked like they've had ballet before because they already knew the moves they were teaching. Emily really can't wait to show daddy her moves!!! At the end of the session they will have a performance for the parents. I'm sure going to take a video of it and show Peter!!! Emily is really into the ballerina stuff right now. She wants to wear her leotard all the time!!! I also just got her some new ballet slippers. She had some but sadly outgrew them too fast so I bought her some I saw at target that are really just pretend ones but now I got her the real ones and she is so excited!!! I am thinking of enrolling kaitlyn in a mommy and me dance class. I'm not sure if I'm up for it yet. We'll see in the next few weeks.

posted from Bloggeroid

Evaluations

When Kaitlyn gets an evaluation it usually means it is for a new therapy or to track where she is at developmentally. Most of the time I'm prepared for what I will hear, but Kaitlyn just had an evaluation for Occupational Therapy, I was so excited because over the phone they told me that they see children at their facility and the therapist also specializes in feeding I was so excited!!! I never realized I lived so far from it, heck it said riverside in the address, it was more like more valley, perris area so I was a little upset because I pictured the traffic going and coming to therapies n leaving my other two kids at home n just be gone longer than expected. I didn't like that idea. As I was driving there I had all three kids with me, Peter and Kaitlyn fell asleep, and not only was it real hot that day I took the wrong fwy and was going the opposite way, I took a deep breath and just turned around n kept driving. Once I realized how far it was even more I was a little more disappointed, we show up, parking is full so I park far and wake the kids up, change diapers and carry Peter hold Kaitlyns hand and have Emily hold on to the pocket on my pants and there we go. We open the door and OH MY GOSH it looked like an old persons home in there!! There was old people sitting there, there was old people music playing and the kids went in ready to destroy or break something. I go in look around and read a million different signs, one saying "Please find child care for your children when coming in for treatment" another said "sorry, there is no public restroom available" another said "no one is allowed in the treatment area, so any one coming with patient must wait in lobby" finally the last one I read was "if you're not seen within 5 minutes of your appointment please let receptionist know" I was trying to Chase after the kids, they had a million lamps there that the kids kept turning on and off, stools that they were jumping off of, little houses that are meant as a display and all that stuff looked like it would break so fast!!! I sign her in and still have that bad feeling like ugh I can't believe I showed up!!! I give her my military id and she's like is this her insurance card I was like -- yes all you need is my husbands info and you have the authorization letter from her insurance. She fives me back my card with a separate card that I have to "show" Everytime I go to that says no co pay. I got a little more upset because they can just write that down in her chart! I was still trying to keep up with my kids n everyone was staring, I kept thinking about it n didn't want to do the paperwork or even be there, that's when the thought came in on how I wished I can just call peter at work n ask him what he thought of the situation or even better have him there with me, even if he wasn't deployed he is usually never able to take time off work to just "go" anywhere. Then that crazy thought that always gets to me, I wished I didn't have to wish for her dad to be there because I wished she didn't have to be stuck with the monster inside of her. Why her, why us? But as I'm thinking this ready to cry because I couldn't keep up with all the crazy stuff they had in their office, I went up to the receptionist and told her I couldn't keep the appointment because it wasn't kid friendly and I asked can I bring my children to therapy? She said no, so they can't be in the lobby then either since your sign says that, she says "um well we don't have daycare" "I know you don't have daycare, but I always go into my daughters therapy sessions and I have no one else to watch my children and I can't let her go in alone. You know I just can't keep it I'm going to have to leave." She gets this look on her face like she is worried for what would happen there but also gets a sad face like she felt sorry for me.she quickly intercoms the therapist no answer, she calls the manager and she comes out and asks me what was wrong, I explained n she was nice n took us to a room where it was so hot n tiny n talks to me saying that maybe I can make arrangements with the therapist or something with the kids if I dont feel comfortable, then I can leave. I agreed, the therapist came in all nice and happy. The kids were already annoyed and didn't want to be there. It was so hot in there too!!! No vent in there for the ac! Anyway she asks me if Kaitlyn is just there for feeding, I said no she has a lot of different issues that need to be addressed, and I told her about them. She then asks me if she has a diagnosis of any other problems. I said speech delay and autism. Oh when was she diagnosed and at what level, she meets full criteria and she was diagnosed before she turned two and just got a different diagnosis in may. Then she goes on and on how there is no cure for autism, how she will always have it n there's only to a point where she can help her with skills but she will always have those problems. I was just thinking like oh man what did I get myself into!!!! And she kept going on and on then she did assesments and then as we were done she said that she didn't have anything available until next month!!! I was irritated then she gave me a feeding hand out. And said that kaitlyn might never eat foods I want her to eat, it may take her years to even try it. I was upset at that point n ignored her. Then I ended it again with, so can I bring my other children? She said no only kaitlyn. And if I want to see her therapy session I need to find child care for my other children. I was disappointed and then asked just out of curiosity where they worked with her since it was a huge facility but full of machines. She said oh I'm going to work with her in that room then that area over there. It was a tiny enclosed space! I grabbed the kids and left. When I left not only was it super hot but I was so disappointed in myself I wanted to cry. I changed diapers, put the kids in their seats and I drove off. I wanted to scream n burst out in tears!!! Why was I such an idiot to waste precious time and money that kaitlyn could be using somewhere else! I'm back at square one!!!! Now I have to wait till Monday to call our insurance n see if they can approve a different provider. This is my 3rd time changing this year and I'm afraid they will think I'm trying to use services everywhere. I don't know we'll see when I call. But one thing for sure, I'm not going back there again!!!!

posted from Bloggeroid

Links

Ive started adding links to my blog. all of them are on here because I would really think people would be interested in looking at them. I have more to add, but since ive been "gone" for a while i havent really updated my blog. But I will get on it :)

Havent POSTED IN A WHILE!!!

I have been so busy lately, that at night i just cant just sit and type away like I would love to, and my phone, well i end up not posting and it saves it to my sd card in there. lol Here is a little of what has been going on with us lately

Deployment: WE ARE HALF WAY DONE!!!! I'm SOOO excited! I cant believe that its already JULY!!! We really miss Peter a lot and I feel so lucky I got to talk to peter twice in the last three days!!! We are getting ready to send over another care package, I havent sent one since the beginning of June, We decided that we need to cut back on them since we started paying for Kaitlyn's Parent Training Therapy. So anyone want to adopt Peter and send a care package feel free to! :) My parents have been nice enough to buy him stuff for me to put in his next few care packages, and of course if i find something on sale I'll buy it. Everyone, Please keep praying for our Marines that are deployed along with Peter.
Us at home: We havent been doing much lately besides therapy, yesterday for 4th of July, we just stayed home. It was too hot to go anywhere and I didnt really feel like going out somewhere with the three kids alone. Im always too afraid of something going wrong when I'm out with all three kids. Specially since Kaitlyn WILL wander off. Today Emily started a ballet class, its a class for beginners ages 3-4, It's a community Summer session here in the city, so its nice, there are only 5 other girls in there. Emily was SOOO EXCITED!!!! She kept turning around to look at us (my sister and me) and we would give her thumbs up and she would get so excited. It will really be something to look forward and a mini countdown for when peter comes home! :)

Autism: Lately Autism, or the big ugly MONSTER, has been getting the best of me, one minute I feel like we are doing so great and the next we arent. on Saturday Kaitlyn had a terrible meltdown, it made me so sad, they have these little hand crafted animals that are made out of wood, they are SUPER COOL, but Kaitlyn only wants to play with them "HER WAY" if her brother or sister touch them it creates a meltdown, our therapist said that I should bring them out all the time, because she has to learn to tolerate her siblings touching and playing along with her, and when she is in school one day, kids arent going to care if she wants to play alone or not they're just gonna want to play with the toys. So she came up to me and said "animals:)" and I said "oh wow ANIMALS :D" "lets go find them, hmmm i wonder where they are?" Kaitlyn stares at me and puts her little finger on her chin and says "I KNOW!!!!" then shows me where they are. This wasnt the respond I expected I was just planning to go on a "hunt" for them with her because I know she knows where they are at. well we took the animals out, and peter gets excited, and starts throwing them, she was screaming and crying and kicking and full on meltdown mode, I ignored her it was so hard because i just wanted to tell her it was okay. peter just wanted to play with her, but I knew it would make it worse. So i ignored, she tried making eye contact, I looked away. it broke my heart, but I had to do it. once she was a little calm I payed attention toher and praised her for calming down but as soon as Emily or Peter would get close to the toys it was meltdown central all over again. I never thought about recording her, but I recorded it to show her case worker for the Regional Center, They DO NOT want to give her any more services that she needs, because she doesnt look "autistic!" Well I recorded 10 minutes of the meltdown, I felt like I was being judged at the time, even though i was just at home with my family, like I was a bad mom, because I wasnt giving any attention until she was able to calm down. but i knew it was what i needed to do. We ended up cleaning up the toys, all of us participated in clean up. and she was a little calm after that. oh boy, that was really a tough day! and it was only the beginning of it too! but I know we have better days ahead of us. and that helps me feel a little better. :)