OUTINGS with 3 small children, Autism and only 1 parent

Outings are the HARDEST for me, not only do I have 3 small children, BUT its only ONE of me and THREE of them! Then there is also Autism, which limits at times where I can go with all three kids to be able to keep up with all three. At times Kaitlyn is like 3 in 1! I cannot keep my eye off the kids, and specially Kaitlyn because she will WANDER off, she will RUN off, and she is not able to sense any danger around her. So if we go to the park, if I am pushing another kid on a swing, Kaitlyn can run off and a stranger can just pick her up and leave, or she can run into the parking lot or even worse into the street, those are my biggest fears, and if i just keep my eyes on her, the same can also happen to the other two kids.  I get invited to events, birthday parties, and even play dates. A lot of the time, if I know people wont understand why our family is different, or understand why Kaitlyn is different. I don't go. I don't go if I know I cant control the situation and its more of a hassle to go for the kids and me than for all of us to just enjoy it. So if I ever cant attend something you have invited me to with the kids, please dont think its because I'm being rude or dont want to hang out. Our family is a lot different than your typical family.

NEW DIET FOR KAITLYN!!!

I have decided after so long that I finally really need to do this for Kaitlyn, she deserves it to be able to get better! We just started last week WOW I MADE IT ONE WEEK!!!!! I just realized it right now!!! I have made some cupcakes, pancakes and cookies for her using almond flour and honey. I actually liked them a lot more than regular cookies. I dont know if its the home made from scratch that i liked? or they are actually a lot better than buying oreos or chips ahoy? I am not a big fan of oreos or chips ahoy so it was easy for me to not give them to Kaitlyn or the kids. Kaitlyn is really missing gummies and chocolate. :( those are the  things she requests for the most now that she cant have them. Do I feel guilty that she cant have oreos, breads(unless home made), candy, rice, corn, CHEESE, or anything with dairy? umm, NO i dont feel bad, because its not necessary for her to have, and everything I will be feeding her is a healthy alternative. she can also have NUTS and MEATS and FRUITS and VEGGIES, so our world is not THAT bad lol these are all natural things that anyone out there can eat. Am I on the diet? well baby steps it is, I find myself having a soda, or a slice of pizza on hard days, I know terrible but I need to get her going first before I can change my diet completely. In the first week of it, Kaitlyn has been having increased speech! even eye contact without me "requesting" for it. She of course has a lot of other issues that need to get addressed but so far the first week I think it went pretty good. I have to keep baking and experimenting on what she likes! Kaitlyn has a lot of eating issues, sensory mostly and most foods she is unsure of trying. SPECIALLY WET FOODS! so i have to come up with a way to have her eat foods, but eventually she will overcome it, we will overcome it together. I am so excited for Dad to come home and find all the new foods we have been eating!!! its going to be so exciting! Cant wait for what the future with the diet holds. I feel really great about it, and happy that I know I am making the right choice for my family.

Evaluations

When Kaitlyn gets an evaluation it usually means it is for a new therapy or to track where she is at developmentally. Most of the time I'm prepared for what I will hear, but Kaitlyn just had an evaluation for Occupational Therapy, I was so excited because over the phone they told me that they see children at their facility and the therapist also specializes in feeding I was so excited!!! I never realized I lived so far from it, heck it said riverside in the address, it was more like more valley, perris area so I was a little upset because I pictured the traffic going and coming to therapies n leaving my other two kids at home n just be gone longer than expected. I didn't like that idea. As I was driving there I had all three kids with me, Peter and Kaitlyn fell asleep, and not only was it real hot that day I took the wrong fwy and was going the opposite way, I took a deep breath and just turned around n kept driving. Once I realized how far it was even more I was a little more disappointed, we show up, parking is full so I park far and wake the kids up, change diapers and carry Peter hold Kaitlyns hand and have Emily hold on to the pocket on my pants and there we go. We open the door and OH MY GOSH it looked like an old persons home in there!! There was old people sitting there, there was old people music playing and the kids went in ready to destroy or break something. I go in look around and read a million different signs, one saying "Please find child care for your children when coming in for treatment" another said "sorry, there is no public restroom available" another said "no one is allowed in the treatment area, so any one coming with patient must wait in lobby" finally the last one I read was "if you're not seen within 5 minutes of your appointment please let receptionist know" I was trying to Chase after the kids, they had a million lamps there that the kids kept turning on and off, stools that they were jumping off of, little houses that are meant as a display and all that stuff looked like it would break so fast!!! I sign her in and still have that bad feeling like ugh I can't believe I showed up!!! I give her my military id and she's like is this her insurance card I was like -- yes all you need is my husbands info and you have the authorization letter from her insurance. She fives me back my card with a separate card that I have to "show" Everytime I go to that says no co pay. I got a little more upset because they can just write that down in her chart! I was still trying to keep up with my kids n everyone was staring, I kept thinking about it n didn't want to do the paperwork or even be there, that's when the thought came in on how I wished I can just call peter at work n ask him what he thought of the situation or even better have him there with me, even if he wasn't deployed he is usually never able to take time off work to just "go" anywhere. Then that crazy thought that always gets to me, I wished I didn't have to wish for her dad to be there because I wished she didn't have to be stuck with the monster inside of her. Why her, why us? But as I'm thinking this ready to cry because I couldn't keep up with all the crazy stuff they had in their office, I went up to the receptionist and told her I couldn't keep the appointment because it wasn't kid friendly and I asked can I bring my children to therapy? She said no, so they can't be in the lobby then either since your sign says that, she says "um well we don't have daycare" "I know you don't have daycare, but I always go into my daughters therapy sessions and I have no one else to watch my children and I can't let her go in alone. You know I just can't keep it I'm going to have to leave." She gets this look on her face like she is worried for what would happen there but also gets a sad face like she felt sorry for me.she quickly intercoms the therapist no answer, she calls the manager and she comes out and asks me what was wrong, I explained n she was nice n took us to a room where it was so hot n tiny n talks to me saying that maybe I can make arrangements with the therapist or something with the kids if I dont feel comfortable, then I can leave. I agreed, the therapist came in all nice and happy. The kids were already annoyed and didn't want to be there. It was so hot in there too!!! No vent in there for the ac! Anyway she asks me if Kaitlyn is just there for feeding, I said no she has a lot of different issues that need to be addressed, and I told her about them. She then asks me if she has a diagnosis of any other problems. I said speech delay and autism. Oh when was she diagnosed and at what level, she meets full criteria and she was diagnosed before she turned two and just got a different diagnosis in may. Then she goes on and on how there is no cure for autism, how she will always have it n there's only to a point where she can help her with skills but she will always have those problems. I was just thinking like oh man what did I get myself into!!!! And she kept going on and on then she did assesments and then as we were done she said that she didn't have anything available until next month!!! I was irritated then she gave me a feeding hand out. And said that kaitlyn might never eat foods I want her to eat, it may take her years to even try it. I was upset at that point n ignored her. Then I ended it again with, so can I bring my other children? She said no only kaitlyn. And if I want to see her therapy session I need to find child care for my other children. I was disappointed and then asked just out of curiosity where they worked with her since it was a huge facility but full of machines. She said oh I'm going to work with her in that room then that area over there. It was a tiny enclosed space! I grabbed the kids and left. When I left not only was it super hot but I was so disappointed in myself I wanted to cry. I changed diapers, put the kids in their seats and I drove off. I wanted to scream n burst out in tears!!! Why was I such an idiot to waste precious time and money that kaitlyn could be using somewhere else! I'm back at square one!!!! Now I have to wait till Monday to call our insurance n see if they can approve a different provider. This is my 3rd time changing this year and I'm afraid they will think I'm trying to use services everywhere. I don't know we'll see when I call. But one thing for sure, I'm not going back there again!!!!

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Havent POSTED IN A WHILE!!!

I have been so busy lately, that at night i just cant just sit and type away like I would love to, and my phone, well i end up not posting and it saves it to my sd card in there. lol Here is a little of what has been going on with us lately

Deployment: WE ARE HALF WAY DONE!!!! I'm SOOO excited! I cant believe that its already JULY!!! We really miss Peter a lot and I feel so lucky I got to talk to peter twice in the last three days!!! We are getting ready to send over another care package, I havent sent one since the beginning of June, We decided that we need to cut back on them since we started paying for Kaitlyn's Parent Training Therapy. So anyone want to adopt Peter and send a care package feel free to! :) My parents have been nice enough to buy him stuff for me to put in his next few care packages, and of course if i find something on sale I'll buy it. Everyone, Please keep praying for our Marines that are deployed along with Peter.
Us at home: We havent been doing much lately besides therapy, yesterday for 4th of July, we just stayed home. It was too hot to go anywhere and I didnt really feel like going out somewhere with the three kids alone. Im always too afraid of something going wrong when I'm out with all three kids. Specially since Kaitlyn WILL wander off. Today Emily started a ballet class, its a class for beginners ages 3-4, It's a community Summer session here in the city, so its nice, there are only 5 other girls in there. Emily was SOOO EXCITED!!!! She kept turning around to look at us (my sister and me) and we would give her thumbs up and she would get so excited. It will really be something to look forward and a mini countdown for when peter comes home! :)

Autism: Lately Autism, or the big ugly MONSTER, has been getting the best of me, one minute I feel like we are doing so great and the next we arent. on Saturday Kaitlyn had a terrible meltdown, it made me so sad, they have these little hand crafted animals that are made out of wood, they are SUPER COOL, but Kaitlyn only wants to play with them "HER WAY" if her brother or sister touch them it creates a meltdown, our therapist said that I should bring them out all the time, because she has to learn to tolerate her siblings touching and playing along with her, and when she is in school one day, kids arent going to care if she wants to play alone or not they're just gonna want to play with the toys. So she came up to me and said "animals:)" and I said "oh wow ANIMALS :D" "lets go find them, hmmm i wonder where they are?" Kaitlyn stares at me and puts her little finger on her chin and says "I KNOW!!!!" then shows me where they are. This wasnt the respond I expected I was just planning to go on a "hunt" for them with her because I know she knows where they are at. well we took the animals out, and peter gets excited, and starts throwing them, she was screaming and crying and kicking and full on meltdown mode, I ignored her it was so hard because i just wanted to tell her it was okay. peter just wanted to play with her, but I knew it would make it worse. So i ignored, she tried making eye contact, I looked away. it broke my heart, but I had to do it. once she was a little calm I payed attention toher and praised her for calming down but as soon as Emily or Peter would get close to the toys it was meltdown central all over again. I never thought about recording her, but I recorded it to show her case worker for the Regional Center, They DO NOT want to give her any more services that she needs, because she doesnt look "autistic!" Well I recorded 10 minutes of the meltdown, I felt like I was being judged at the time, even though i was just at home with my family, like I was a bad mom, because I wasnt giving any attention until she was able to calm down. but i knew it was what i needed to do. We ended up cleaning up the toys, all of us participated in clean up. and she was a little calm after that. oh boy, that was really a tough day! and it was only the beginning of it too! but I know we have better days ahead of us. and that helps me feel a little better. :)

Bad day

having a bad day, its the first time deployment and autism have got to me this deployment. I have been going strong and haven't had a big meltdown since the day peter left (how funny today is exactly 3months) well anyway I've been doing so good keeping myself "strong" and today as I took kaitlyn to her therapy, she had a terrible melt down. It's a preschool setting therapy and she went in and wanted snack time which is at the end of her therapy or "school day" well it was circle time and circle time is something she can't tolerate, she can't sit there through out the singing and saying your name. And of course being around other kids, she had one of the worst melt downs I have ever seen, she was kicking, screaming and throwing herself and was just so upset it made me really sad. There were 4 other kids there, and one of the kids had both mom and dad there in session. He was having a little bit of a hard time I want to say that but i was so wrapped up with kaitlyn I didn't notice anyone else besides the mom that was staring at me, it didn't help that she is Asian and was staring at me like i was disgusting or like just calm your kid down already its bothering me. I hated it and it annoyed me so much. Then I glanced over as I'm trying to contain kaitlyn and saw the dad holding his son during circle time and I wished peter was there with me, even though even if peter wasn't deployed he wouldn't really ever be able to make it to her therapy sessions at that moment I wished kaitlyn didn't even have autism for me to never even wish peter was there at her therapy, I had to walk out of circle time because I started crying. It was too much for me to take in, It was embarrassing and i just ran to the bathroom, once again I wished peter was there to hold me n say everything was going to be okay. I feel like crapright now :'( I try not to complain and make the best out of our situation. I know the deployment is still present and so is autism. I just want to go hide in my bubble right now n come out once things are better. Of course I won't But still... I feel upset n angry at the world n people who don't appreciate their husbands or their children never having to suffer through this monster we are stuck with. people complain that their kid talks to much, I wish mine can talk at her age level, people complain their kid eats too much, I wish my daughter didn't have a limited diet due to her sensory problems. People are upset about their husband going away on a business trip for the weekend, I have to see mine leave on his "business trip" for seven months. I wish people would take their time to educate themselves on autism. On how staring like your disgusting is wrong. But most of all I can't wait for this nightmare to end.

posted from Bloggeroid

back again!!!!

I havent been posting so much lately, and last night i typed up a LONG LONG post and when i clicked POST it said there was an ERROR!!! i was so upset i just went to sleep.

I havent been posting so much lately because I havent really had time. I've been busy with the kids being sick, first it was Emily, then Peter and then Kaitlyn. They are a lot better now but since Kaitlyn got sick her autism has been cooky as well :( I zone out and get into my bubble.

I have also been on a search for new therapists!!! its so crazy and hard because i dont want to end up picking out a big NO NO therapist and have to go through the process of looking again and having had all that time wasted! kind of what i feel like now with her old therapists :(

Im so excited that we got to Skype with Peter earlier tonight! just in time for fathers day! it was like 11:30 or maybe a little later but it was still SUNDAY our time. it was really nice to see his face and just get to talk to him. I miss him like crazy!!! but so glad our deployment is almost 40% over!!!! well you know what? today will be 3 months since he left! I have survived 3 months with my husband across the world!!!! I cant believe how fast time flies! its like as long as his boot camp! and back then i thought 3 months was the end of the world!!!! it was just the beginning to a whole new world! our world now! that i wouldnt change for anything in the world! Well besides deployments lol

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to start working out. I did a mini workout at home last night and it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be and i felt good while i was doing it! Peter kept laughing at me and trying to do what i was doing. but he would mostly laugh. I really need to loose weight! makes me think ive wasted the past 3 months not doing much of "me" that I had planned. But i feel motivated right now, we'll see how long i can keep it up.

Im off to bed now, Kaitlyn has therapy tomorrow morning at 9am and I have to wake up at like 7!! I cant believe I'm complaining about waking up at 7... but I am.

First Parent Training Session

Yesterday, Wednesday, was my FIRST PARENT TRAINING SESSION! I was so excited for this and had been wanting to do it for so long!!!!! I just never thought the day would come, and since i was really hoping therapy would cover it because i mean WHY WOULDNT they right? well no, many insurances DO NOT COVER AUTISM SERVICES!!!!!! We are lucky our insurance will cover some Autism Services, and that is because Kaitlyn is enrolled in an extended program for family members with a disability, and because Dad is Active Duty. She is enrolled through the state program for therapy services for her, but parent training TEACHES YOU to be her therapist! how exciting is that right? No other provider that I have called that is covered by our insurance really provides parent training. I feel so lucky that now I have the opportunity to not only be my child's first teacher, but also one of her therapists that will help her get to where she needs to be. and of course it will also benefit my other children as well :)

Yesterday, was so exciting! I couldnt believe I was actually there going to go get services for my little girl! I decided I wanted to take all three kids, so my sitter can see how far therapy really is (this is in San Diego) and so she wouldnt think I'm just really trying to leave her with my kids for hours even though the therapy session is only an hour, it takes more than that to get to and back from the location. So I took the kids and well everything was great until it was time for me to go to the back with Kaitlyn and her therapist. Emily started crying saying she wanted to go to and wanted to go learn and play with Kaitlyn, you see if you read my other post, this wasnt Emily's first time going there, we had been there once so she can be her friends social partner and so I can see what parent training was all about and meet my friends therapist (who is now our therapist) so when we showed up yesterday, Emily kept saying "Mommy remember when we came here? Remember when i played play dough with my friend?" she didnt understand why she couldnt go to the back room with us. as I was going in I felt a little worried because I know her feelings had been hurt, and I kept thinking about it through out the session, specially when I heard someone crying out in the waiting room, later I found out it was some other little girl (also a sibling) who was fighting with my little boy, and being the bully that he is, he didnt let her get away with it.

We went over goals with Kaitlyn and what I was going to expect, how she would teach me to do everything, and she even showed me a few things to start off with! i was so excited, and I still am! for once since the diagnosis I felt like this is really going to be some of the answer and the help I have been wanting for so long! someone that can help me help her! of course I do have my friend, who has been here through out this whole journey but of course, she also has her daughter who also has autism and is a very very busy mom. I was so excited to be there and she told me that it looked like I was already on the right track, I was excited to hear that, because a lot of it has been help from my dear friend, who I wont post her name on here, she is a very private person and I havent asked if I can post her name on here yet ;) Then she also gave me so much more hope! I have always heard that Kaitlyn is really smart and is able to learn real fast, and is a child who is easy but hard to work with because she catches onto stuff quick, but when it comes to me and her doing it, it doesnt seem as fast? and all these are from professional people, not just a random person who says "Autism is a gift" "She is a special gifted child" and soooooo on.... These have been from people who have been her therapist, or have done evaluations for her, and of course my friend :) You know what for now I will call her Kay, since her name starts with a K.

There was one time during the session where Kaitlyn would look at me and say "what do you want?" and so I would ask "What do you want?" and Kaitlyn would then reply "Buzz, or Strawberry, Hero" These were all toys that were put up in a high place for her to have to request them, I thought i was doing a good job, UNTIL the therapist said, "we really are changing what parenting was all about when we were growing up, this is far more different than what we all use, this one is going to be the thoughest BUT we are going to stop asking questions, its just confusing for her at this point. Did you see how she asked what do you want? when she wanted something?" at that moment oh man i felt so dumb lol but I knew that it wasnt the first time she had explained that to a parent, so I was glad she told me and now I think about it a lot, like instead of now asking her "what do you want" I start talking about what she can possibly want, like she is looking at a toy, and I know she wants it, I just start talking about it, and hopefully I am doing it right at this point. We are going back 2 weeks from now, since next week she is on vacation. and I will do an update most likely every session. I might not, depends on how I'm feeling. She also does a lot of other therapies, (speech, occupational therapy, she will soon most likely start physical therapy, does an ABA therapy program, and will soon possibly start an in home program that is also available to do outings with us, and help me handle situations while on the go) <<<< Boy are our days super busy!!! I hope to put Emily in Pre-school SOON as well. How will i ever survive ;)

So much to write about!!!!

I have so much to write about, I don't even know where to start so I will probably post a few tonight or just post a long one, we'll see. I'm really liking that I can post from my phone, I can write a little, take a break and write again later.

For all of you checking out my blog, thank you for reading.

Today was the BIG day!!! Something I've been wanting to do for so long! I finally made it into Rady Children's Hospital Autism Discovery Institute for PARENT TRAINING!!!!! I have heard so much about it from my friend, which I think I will write a post on my friend and everything she has helped me with. I met our new therapist today well I met her once a while ago when I took Emily to play with my friend's daughter during a session. I am so happy and excited because I know she will help me and teach me how to teach kaitlyn. We had a great first session, we didn't do much, but she was able to interact with kaitlyn and go over goals for her! The only thing I'm kicking myself for is not getting there soon, I was really hoping insurance would cover these services because it is therapy, but as of right now my insurance doesn't have a contract with them, so this will be all out of pocket expenses for our family. Which is going to be hard to balance out but I know this will help my daughter and our family so much!!!! I have considered doing some type of fundraising or raffle something to help pay for the services, but I haven't been able to come up with anything and its something I will look into more in the future.

Oh man we got to Skype with daddy last night, Emily was so happy and was showing her all her barbies!! And was showing off her new hair, and in the end she showed her a princess slipper, she was like "Daddy, I can't find the other shoe!" And was so sad so peter said, "just look for it, I'm sure you will find it" and so soon after we had to get off and after we did Emily went digging through all her shoes!!!!!! Oh boy, if you know our family you know the kids have a gazzilion shoes!!! And I was like "Emily, you are making a big mess baby" and her response "I have to look for them mommy, daddy told me to so I have to!" Then we got so lucky daddy skyped again in the morning and peter got to talk to him, he was so happy to see his daddy!!! He kept waving and pointing and would get upset if he couldn't see himself in the camera because he wanted to keep talking to his dad. Kaitlyn was asleep for both, so she didnt get to talk to him.

Oh man I have to, have to share this, today I went to the Exchange, and found a cute dress for .92 YES .92 cents!!!! And tax free so I definitely believed in core brands, corps prices haha. For those of you that don't know what the Exchange is, its just the store on base and core brands, corps prices is just what they have advertised. I also found AA batteries (10 pack) for $2.96!!! Who doesn't use AA batteries in their lives? :) I think I found some good deals, when I bought the batteries all I can think of was I wish I would've brought my coupons lol

Today I am also posting from my phone and my phone auto-corrects and sometimes as we all know auto-correct is embarrassing so if anything on here ever is embarrassing, it was probably my phone.

Posting from my phone!

So I didn't get a chance to write yesterday, but today I will, and I'm trying it out from my phone, let's see how well it works.

Yesterday Kaitlyn missed her ABA therapy session at the "preschool" setting. I was kind of upset because her therapist is not experienced and well I don't want her to work with kaitlyn because she is also doing training for the company or the program, I don't know its just annoying me and I made sure I spoke to the supervisor before going back. So tomorrow is her first day back after missing two days. I voiced out my concerns and if they are not met then I will be saying goodbye. They make enough money to not help my daughter out the way she needs help.


Kaitlyn has been having a few rough days but they seem to come and go. I really can't wait to get her on her on her diet that she needs to be on! I know it will help her plus it doesn't hurt at all to eat healthier. And well I need to start myself :)

Today peter called me and the phone was breaking up, so I was hoping we would just get on Skype since that's usually what happens he calls me to get on Skype n I do, well then he called back n when he called back we couldn't stay on the phone anymore, all he said was I love you and something else because the phone kept cutting off. I'm pretty sure he said ill call or try to call tomorrow. So that was pretty sucky. But hey hearing his voice is always better than not hearing anything.


Yesterday i was so upset. I even got real crazy on my Facebook n posted that whoever wasn't here the past 3 months will most likely not be around in our lives when peter gets home, and I wasn't kidding, it doesnt matter who you are, it makes me upset that no one is around when peter is gone (except of course the few people that have been and I'm ever so grateful) but I def don't want these people to decide to come around once peter gets home. Just really irritating and I'm sure a lot of people can relate, specially if your spouse is gone right now.


On a better note, today I went to Target with the girls and my sister I was so excited I found a Dodger Blue color nail polish!!! And on sale!!! So I bought it and came home and the bottle BROKE!!! I think I'm going to go back n buy another one tomorrow. I am also loving all the clearance deals they have going on at my local Target!!! They are making it into a Super Target with groceries and in order to make space they are marking down a lot of stuff!!! I have been able to buy peter care package stuff, and blankets for the kids, and just other household stuff.:) I love deals!!!! Haha

Oh oh oh I almost forgot, tomorrow I go down to San Diego to Rady's Children's Hospital to start Parent Training with kaitlyn with a new therapist!! I have met her before, a real good friend of mine (don't worry my friend I won't put you on blast) did the parent training there with her daughter and that was her therapist as well!!! So her new therapist is seriously kind of intimidating but if she can help me help my daughter I'm all for it!!! :)

Autism

Autism is in our family, sometimes I call it the "monster" because I cant bring myself to say Autism. My daughter has been diagnosed with Autism and its not an easy thing to accept. I can't accept it, I cant accept my daughter being stuck with the "monster." We have been doing a few therapies the past 9months and we have seen results but of course i will not stop until the day my daughter no longer needs therapy. Sometimes people dont know what to say when I tell them about it. Sometimes not giving an answer is the best thing you can do to someone in a situation like this. I am here to bring as much awareness as I can, our kids deserve it! I do not think a month of awareness is enough, our kids live with Autism everyday of their lives, and so do their families. It is so hard to see my baby not being able to express how she feels, not knowing how to interact with her siblings, not being able to touch certain things because the touch of something so simple, can bother her to the extreme. A lot of the times people tell me how much of a "good kid" she is because she keeps to herself, what i wouldnt give or do for her to be out in the crowd being crazy along with the other kids! Everyday is a new day, and everyday I am here to help her get through this, so one day she can be running around with all the other kids and just be happy. I know someday this day will come, but i also know it will take a LOT of hard work to get her there. Our life has changed so much, but i know one day i will look back and be thankful for all that we do have now.