Bad day

having a bad day, its the first time deployment and autism have got to me this deployment. I have been going strong and haven't had a big meltdown since the day peter left (how funny today is exactly 3months) well anyway I've been doing so good keeping myself "strong" and today as I took kaitlyn to her therapy, she had a terrible melt down. It's a preschool setting therapy and she went in and wanted snack time which is at the end of her therapy or "school day" well it was circle time and circle time is something she can't tolerate, she can't sit there through out the singing and saying your name. And of course being around other kids, she had one of the worst melt downs I have ever seen, she was kicking, screaming and throwing herself and was just so upset it made me really sad. There were 4 other kids there, and one of the kids had both mom and dad there in session. He was having a little bit of a hard time I want to say that but i was so wrapped up with kaitlyn I didn't notice anyone else besides the mom that was staring at me, it didn't help that she is Asian and was staring at me like i was disgusting or like just calm your kid down already its bothering me. I hated it and it annoyed me so much. Then I glanced over as I'm trying to contain kaitlyn and saw the dad holding his son during circle time and I wished peter was there with me, even though even if peter wasn't deployed he wouldn't really ever be able to make it to her therapy sessions at that moment I wished kaitlyn didn't even have autism for me to never even wish peter was there at her therapy, I had to walk out of circle time because I started crying. It was too much for me to take in, It was embarrassing and i just ran to the bathroom, once again I wished peter was there to hold me n say everything was going to be okay. I feel like crapright now :'( I try not to complain and make the best out of our situation. I know the deployment is still present and so is autism. I just want to go hide in my bubble right now n come out once things are better. Of course I won't But still... I feel upset n angry at the world n people who don't appreciate their husbands or their children never having to suffer through this monster we are stuck with. people complain that their kid talks to much, I wish mine can talk at her age level, people complain their kid eats too much, I wish my daughter didn't have a limited diet due to her sensory problems. People are upset about their husband going away on a business trip for the weekend, I have to see mine leave on his "business trip" for seven months. I wish people would take their time to educate themselves on autism. On how staring like your disgusting is wrong. But most of all I can't wait for this nightmare to end.

posted from Bloggeroid