Havent POSTED IN A WHILE!!!

I have been so busy lately, that at night i just cant just sit and type away like I would love to, and my phone, well i end up not posting and it saves it to my sd card in there. lol Here is a little of what has been going on with us lately

Deployment: WE ARE HALF WAY DONE!!!! I'm SOOO excited! I cant believe that its already JULY!!! We really miss Peter a lot and I feel so lucky I got to talk to peter twice in the last three days!!! We are getting ready to send over another care package, I havent sent one since the beginning of June, We decided that we need to cut back on them since we started paying for Kaitlyn's Parent Training Therapy. So anyone want to adopt Peter and send a care package feel free to! :) My parents have been nice enough to buy him stuff for me to put in his next few care packages, and of course if i find something on sale I'll buy it. Everyone, Please keep praying for our Marines that are deployed along with Peter.
Us at home: We havent been doing much lately besides therapy, yesterday for 4th of July, we just stayed home. It was too hot to go anywhere and I didnt really feel like going out somewhere with the three kids alone. Im always too afraid of something going wrong when I'm out with all three kids. Specially since Kaitlyn WILL wander off. Today Emily started a ballet class, its a class for beginners ages 3-4, It's a community Summer session here in the city, so its nice, there are only 5 other girls in there. Emily was SOOO EXCITED!!!! She kept turning around to look at us (my sister and me) and we would give her thumbs up and she would get so excited. It will really be something to look forward and a mini countdown for when peter comes home! :)

Autism: Lately Autism, or the big ugly MONSTER, has been getting the best of me, one minute I feel like we are doing so great and the next we arent. on Saturday Kaitlyn had a terrible meltdown, it made me so sad, they have these little hand crafted animals that are made out of wood, they are SUPER COOL, but Kaitlyn only wants to play with them "HER WAY" if her brother or sister touch them it creates a meltdown, our therapist said that I should bring them out all the time, because she has to learn to tolerate her siblings touching and playing along with her, and when she is in school one day, kids arent going to care if she wants to play alone or not they're just gonna want to play with the toys. So she came up to me and said "animals:)" and I said "oh wow ANIMALS :D" "lets go find them, hmmm i wonder where they are?" Kaitlyn stares at me and puts her little finger on her chin and says "I KNOW!!!!" then shows me where they are. This wasnt the respond I expected I was just planning to go on a "hunt" for them with her because I know she knows where they are at. well we took the animals out, and peter gets excited, and starts throwing them, she was screaming and crying and kicking and full on meltdown mode, I ignored her it was so hard because i just wanted to tell her it was okay. peter just wanted to play with her, but I knew it would make it worse. So i ignored, she tried making eye contact, I looked away. it broke my heart, but I had to do it. once she was a little calm I payed attention toher and praised her for calming down but as soon as Emily or Peter would get close to the toys it was meltdown central all over again. I never thought about recording her, but I recorded it to show her case worker for the Regional Center, They DO NOT want to give her any more services that she needs, because she doesnt look "autistic!" Well I recorded 10 minutes of the meltdown, I felt like I was being judged at the time, even though i was just at home with my family, like I was a bad mom, because I wasnt giving any attention until she was able to calm down. but i knew it was what i needed to do. We ended up cleaning up the toys, all of us participated in clean up. and she was a little calm after that. oh boy, that was really a tough day! and it was only the beginning of it too! but I know we have better days ahead of us. and that helps me feel a little better. :)

Happy Birthday TO ME

I cant believe I am turning 22!!! Time goes by so fast!! and I cant believe I am 22 with 3 kids, I dont think it will ever sink in how young we were when we started having kids lol 18,19 and 20!! I see other 20 year olds and im like wow, when i was their age, i already had 3 kids, this kid does not look like they are even close to being able to handle a kid! lol ANYWAY I cant believe I'm 22! I dont feel 22 I feel older, I dont know how old but older for sure. I skipped my 20's and am in my 30's so hopefully when I'm in my 30's i feel like im in my 20's... I will be celebrating my birthday with the kids today, pretty bummed Peter isnt here today, but I'm glad he got to talk to me through chat on skype to wish me a happy birthday! i was kind of having a meltdown because we couldnt video chat since there was a bad connection but hey I felt lucky enough to get to talk to him. :) I also opened a present my friend Kristy sent me!!! She sent me a lot of Kitchen stuff that I will definitely be needing when we move into our own place again (WHICH I HAVE SOOO BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHERE I WILL MOVE ONCE PETER COMES BACK !!!!!) and she sent a book too! I think I will definitely use that one before I move out. well duh because we still have a while to go before we move out. I'm off to bed now. I cant believe how many people forgot my birthday at midnight -_- kind of annoyed BUT at least the people that I'm important to remembered lol but really its almost 2am! i need to get to bed! :)

COMMENTS

I am such a dummy I dont know how to comment back on the comments left on the page. I know only 2 people have commented lol but i keep trying to reply and i cant :( i dont know how and im too annoyed by the internet because i cant figure it out i just give up. I write a super cool long comment and it doesnt let me comment. boo if you know how i can reply to the comments please let me know lol seriously

Bad day

having a bad day, its the first time deployment and autism have got to me this deployment. I have been going strong and haven't had a big meltdown since the day peter left (how funny today is exactly 3months) well anyway I've been doing so good keeping myself "strong" and today as I took kaitlyn to her therapy, she had a terrible melt down. It's a preschool setting therapy and she went in and wanted snack time which is at the end of her therapy or "school day" well it was circle time and circle time is something she can't tolerate, she can't sit there through out the singing and saying your name. And of course being around other kids, she had one of the worst melt downs I have ever seen, she was kicking, screaming and throwing herself and was just so upset it made me really sad. There were 4 other kids there, and one of the kids had both mom and dad there in session. He was having a little bit of a hard time I want to say that but i was so wrapped up with kaitlyn I didn't notice anyone else besides the mom that was staring at me, it didn't help that she is Asian and was staring at me like i was disgusting or like just calm your kid down already its bothering me. I hated it and it annoyed me so much. Then I glanced over as I'm trying to contain kaitlyn and saw the dad holding his son during circle time and I wished peter was there with me, even though even if peter wasn't deployed he wouldn't really ever be able to make it to her therapy sessions at that moment I wished kaitlyn didn't even have autism for me to never even wish peter was there at her therapy, I had to walk out of circle time because I started crying. It was too much for me to take in, It was embarrassing and i just ran to the bathroom, once again I wished peter was there to hold me n say everything was going to be okay. I feel like crapright now :'( I try not to complain and make the best out of our situation. I know the deployment is still present and so is autism. I just want to go hide in my bubble right now n come out once things are better. Of course I won't But still... I feel upset n angry at the world n people who don't appreciate their husbands or their children never having to suffer through this monster we are stuck with. people complain that their kid talks to much, I wish mine can talk at her age level, people complain their kid eats too much, I wish my daughter didn't have a limited diet due to her sensory problems. People are upset about their husband going away on a business trip for the weekend, I have to see mine leave on his "business trip" for seven months. I wish people would take their time to educate themselves on autism. On how staring like your disgusting is wrong. But most of all I can't wait for this nightmare to end.

posted from Bloggeroid

back again!!!!

I havent been posting so much lately, and last night i typed up a LONG LONG post and when i clicked POST it said there was an ERROR!!! i was so upset i just went to sleep.

I havent been posting so much lately because I havent really had time. I've been busy with the kids being sick, first it was Emily, then Peter and then Kaitlyn. They are a lot better now but since Kaitlyn got sick her autism has been cooky as well :( I zone out and get into my bubble.

I have also been on a search for new therapists!!! its so crazy and hard because i dont want to end up picking out a big NO NO therapist and have to go through the process of looking again and having had all that time wasted! kind of what i feel like now with her old therapists :(

Im so excited that we got to Skype with Peter earlier tonight! just in time for fathers day! it was like 11:30 or maybe a little later but it was still SUNDAY our time. it was really nice to see his face and just get to talk to him. I miss him like crazy!!! but so glad our deployment is almost 40% over!!!! well you know what? today will be 3 months since he left! I have survived 3 months with my husband across the world!!!! I cant believe how fast time flies! its like as long as his boot camp! and back then i thought 3 months was the end of the world!!!! it was just the beginning to a whole new world! our world now! that i wouldnt change for anything in the world! Well besides deployments lol

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to start working out. I did a mini workout at home last night and it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be and i felt good while i was doing it! Peter kept laughing at me and trying to do what i was doing. but he would mostly laugh. I really need to loose weight! makes me think ive wasted the past 3 months not doing much of "me" that I had planned. But i feel motivated right now, we'll see how long i can keep it up.

Im off to bed now, Kaitlyn has therapy tomorrow morning at 9am and I have to wake up at like 7!! I cant believe I'm complaining about waking up at 7... but I am.

Fathers day!!!!!

I got to email with peter last night! Which was his fathers day!!! He also said he got a care package from me.:) how exciting it definitely made me happy!!! He said he should be able to Skype with us tonight so I'm preparing and doing my hair and make up :) I don't think last nights post got posted boo and it was super long so I guess I will write another one right now :) Happy Fathers Day!!!

First Parent Training Session

Yesterday, Wednesday, was my FIRST PARENT TRAINING SESSION! I was so excited for this and had been wanting to do it for so long!!!!! I just never thought the day would come, and since i was really hoping therapy would cover it because i mean WHY WOULDNT they right? well no, many insurances DO NOT COVER AUTISM SERVICES!!!!!! We are lucky our insurance will cover some Autism Services, and that is because Kaitlyn is enrolled in an extended program for family members with a disability, and because Dad is Active Duty. She is enrolled through the state program for therapy services for her, but parent training TEACHES YOU to be her therapist! how exciting is that right? No other provider that I have called that is covered by our insurance really provides parent training. I feel so lucky that now I have the opportunity to not only be my child's first teacher, but also one of her therapists that will help her get to where she needs to be. and of course it will also benefit my other children as well :)

Yesterday, was so exciting! I couldnt believe I was actually there going to go get services for my little girl! I decided I wanted to take all three kids, so my sitter can see how far therapy really is (this is in San Diego) and so she wouldnt think I'm just really trying to leave her with my kids for hours even though the therapy session is only an hour, it takes more than that to get to and back from the location. So I took the kids and well everything was great until it was time for me to go to the back with Kaitlyn and her therapist. Emily started crying saying she wanted to go to and wanted to go learn and play with Kaitlyn, you see if you read my other post, this wasnt Emily's first time going there, we had been there once so she can be her friends social partner and so I can see what parent training was all about and meet my friends therapist (who is now our therapist) so when we showed up yesterday, Emily kept saying "Mommy remember when we came here? Remember when i played play dough with my friend?" she didnt understand why she couldnt go to the back room with us. as I was going in I felt a little worried because I know her feelings had been hurt, and I kept thinking about it through out the session, specially when I heard someone crying out in the waiting room, later I found out it was some other little girl (also a sibling) who was fighting with my little boy, and being the bully that he is, he didnt let her get away with it.

We went over goals with Kaitlyn and what I was going to expect, how she would teach me to do everything, and she even showed me a few things to start off with! i was so excited, and I still am! for once since the diagnosis I felt like this is really going to be some of the answer and the help I have been wanting for so long! someone that can help me help her! of course I do have my friend, who has been here through out this whole journey but of course, she also has her daughter who also has autism and is a very very busy mom. I was so excited to be there and she told me that it looked like I was already on the right track, I was excited to hear that, because a lot of it has been help from my dear friend, who I wont post her name on here, she is a very private person and I havent asked if I can post her name on here yet ;) Then she also gave me so much more hope! I have always heard that Kaitlyn is really smart and is able to learn real fast, and is a child who is easy but hard to work with because she catches onto stuff quick, but when it comes to me and her doing it, it doesnt seem as fast? and all these are from professional people, not just a random person who says "Autism is a gift" "She is a special gifted child" and soooooo on.... These have been from people who have been her therapist, or have done evaluations for her, and of course my friend :) You know what for now I will call her Kay, since her name starts with a K.

There was one time during the session where Kaitlyn would look at me and say "what do you want?" and so I would ask "What do you want?" and Kaitlyn would then reply "Buzz, or Strawberry, Hero" These were all toys that were put up in a high place for her to have to request them, I thought i was doing a good job, UNTIL the therapist said, "we really are changing what parenting was all about when we were growing up, this is far more different than what we all use, this one is going to be the thoughest BUT we are going to stop asking questions, its just confusing for her at this point. Did you see how she asked what do you want? when she wanted something?" at that moment oh man i felt so dumb lol but I knew that it wasnt the first time she had explained that to a parent, so I was glad she told me and now I think about it a lot, like instead of now asking her "what do you want" I start talking about what she can possibly want, like she is looking at a toy, and I know she wants it, I just start talking about it, and hopefully I am doing it right at this point. We are going back 2 weeks from now, since next week she is on vacation. and I will do an update most likely every session. I might not, depends on how I'm feeling. She also does a lot of other therapies, (speech, occupational therapy, she will soon most likely start physical therapy, does an ABA therapy program, and will soon possibly start an in home program that is also available to do outings with us, and help me handle situations while on the go) <<<< Boy are our days super busy!!! I hope to put Emily in Pre-school SOON as well. How will i ever survive ;)