OUTINGS with 3 small children, Autism and only 1 parent

Outings are the HARDEST for me, not only do I have 3 small children, BUT its only ONE of me and THREE of them! Then there is also Autism, which limits at times where I can go with all three kids to be able to keep up with all three. At times Kaitlyn is like 3 in 1! I cannot keep my eye off the kids, and specially Kaitlyn because she will WANDER off, she will RUN off, and she is not able to sense any danger around her. So if we go to the park, if I am pushing another kid on a swing, Kaitlyn can run off and a stranger can just pick her up and leave, or she can run into the parking lot or even worse into the street, those are my biggest fears, and if i just keep my eyes on her, the same can also happen to the other two kids.  I get invited to events, birthday parties, and even play dates. A lot of the time, if I know people wont understand why our family is different, or understand why Kaitlyn is different. I don't go. I don't go if I know I cant control the situation and its more of a hassle to go for the kids and me than for all of us to just enjoy it. So if I ever cant attend something you have invited me to with the kids, please dont think its because I'm being rude or dont want to hang out. Our family is a lot different than your typical family.

NEW DIET FOR KAITLYN!!!

I have decided after so long that I finally really need to do this for Kaitlyn, she deserves it to be able to get better! We just started last week WOW I MADE IT ONE WEEK!!!!! I just realized it right now!!! I have made some cupcakes, pancakes and cookies for her using almond flour and honey. I actually liked them a lot more than regular cookies. I dont know if its the home made from scratch that i liked? or they are actually a lot better than buying oreos or chips ahoy? I am not a big fan of oreos or chips ahoy so it was easy for me to not give them to Kaitlyn or the kids. Kaitlyn is really missing gummies and chocolate. :( those are the  things she requests for the most now that she cant have them. Do I feel guilty that she cant have oreos, breads(unless home made), candy, rice, corn, CHEESE, or anything with dairy? umm, NO i dont feel bad, because its not necessary for her to have, and everything I will be feeding her is a healthy alternative. she can also have NUTS and MEATS and FRUITS and VEGGIES, so our world is not THAT bad lol these are all natural things that anyone out there can eat. Am I on the diet? well baby steps it is, I find myself having a soda, or a slice of pizza on hard days, I know terrible but I need to get her going first before I can change my diet completely. In the first week of it, Kaitlyn has been having increased speech! even eye contact without me "requesting" for it. She of course has a lot of other issues that need to get addressed but so far the first week I think it went pretty good. I have to keep baking and experimenting on what she likes! Kaitlyn has a lot of eating issues, sensory mostly and most foods she is unsure of trying. SPECIALLY WET FOODS! so i have to come up with a way to have her eat foods, but eventually she will overcome it, we will overcome it together. I am so excited for Dad to come home and find all the new foods we have been eating!!! its going to be so exciting! Cant wait for what the future with the diet holds. I feel really great about it, and happy that I know I am making the right choice for my family.

ALL GROWN UP!!!

I feel SO GROWN UP LATELY! I don't know why, maybe because I turned 22 recently? haha I really think the past year has made me grow up even more than I already had. I guess a lot of changes happened to me the past year. We made the grown up decision to move back to California instead of Virginia Beach, Kaitlyn was diagnosed with Autism, we actually MOVED back "home" and well one of the hardest ones besides the Autism is Peter deployed. Yes we moved to California knowing Peter would deploy, but it was the decision we had to make in order for Kaitlyn to receive the best intervention she can get. The deployment has been hard, way harder than last deployment. I think its because all the three kids know who their dad really is and they miss him. Last deployment I just had to worry about a baby and a toddler, who didnt understand much. Now, all three miss their dad, and ask for him all the time and bring him up out of no where. Of course, it also has been harder because of Autism.

I think I am finally feeling "grown" up because I am finding myself through all this that is going on and I am loving the friendships I have made through these hard times I am dealing with. These are the people I will remember for the rest of my life, because this is when I need my REAL friends the most.
so you know who you are, thank YOU for being there for me!

I just feel like I've realized how mature i really have been the past few years that it has finally made me feel grown up? or maybe I'm just feeling like I'm getting old? haha either way whatever it is, I'm loving it.

Once again THANK YOU friends for being there for me during these hard times!

I have also been thinking a lot about this lately, that I think has made me feel a little grown up...
I'm not just a young mom, and i'm not just a wife.

I am a YOUNG MOM of 3, I am an AUTISM MOM and I am a MARINE WIFE!!


Dont know if it has to do with it, but seriously, I feel so grown up lately!

Peter, My Love, My Best Friend, My Hero

I met my husband back in 2006, ah I still remember it like it was yesterday!!!! He was so QUIET!!!! and naturally I was so LOUD! When I met him, I cant say it was LOVE at first sight but it was definitely awe at first sight and I knew there was something about him I wanted to get to know more of.... fast forward 2011, He is deployed right now, and I just cant wait to have him home again. I miss his silly jokes, staying up late when we would know that the next day we would both be SOOO TIRED specially when the kids were in bed super early! I miss HIS HELP definitely! I miss us 5 having dinner together, I miss his smile! I miss watching him play with the kids, I miss having someone to talk to, the only person that can always make it better. Specially when I was having a hard time dealing with Autism. Sometimes I secretely miss Yuma, not because of what YUMA IS lol but because I had my husband home! Today, I was driving to Pendleton to go apply for housing and of course like always long rides and listening to music remind me so much of Peter! A song i heard that i used to think was SOOO ANNOYING and he would play it FULL BLAST on his way to work started playing and I couldnt change the radio station, and how annoying it was that I knew all the words! because it isnt a song I was a big fan of lol Then I heard songs from when we first started listening to country music together... I got all emotional but in a good way. It made me smile because I know he is thinking about us just how we always think of him. I truly cannot wait for my husband to be back home! but its all "downhill" from here, we have made it just a little over 4months, so only a few more left!!! ahh I cant wait! I truly miss my best friend!

Ballet

Emily has started ballet lessons. She is so excited when she goes!!! I have taken some videos to show daddy but Emily enjoys watching them herself. She has been to two classes so far and I can see how happy she is when we leave! She even practices at home at times! I think if at the end of the session she really likes it I will put her in full time, I still want her to try gymnastics and karate. I felt so bad when I first took her because other girls there looked like they've had ballet before because they already knew the moves they were teaching. Emily really can't wait to show daddy her moves!!! At the end of the session they will have a performance for the parents. I'm sure going to take a video of it and show Peter!!! Emily is really into the ballerina stuff right now. She wants to wear her leotard all the time!!! I also just got her some new ballet slippers. She had some but sadly outgrew them too fast so I bought her some I saw at target that are really just pretend ones but now I got her the real ones and she is so excited!!! I am thinking of enrolling kaitlyn in a mommy and me dance class. I'm not sure if I'm up for it yet. We'll see in the next few weeks.

posted from Bloggeroid

Evaluations

When Kaitlyn gets an evaluation it usually means it is for a new therapy or to track where she is at developmentally. Most of the time I'm prepared for what I will hear, but Kaitlyn just had an evaluation for Occupational Therapy, I was so excited because over the phone they told me that they see children at their facility and the therapist also specializes in feeding I was so excited!!! I never realized I lived so far from it, heck it said riverside in the address, it was more like more valley, perris area so I was a little upset because I pictured the traffic going and coming to therapies n leaving my other two kids at home n just be gone longer than expected. I didn't like that idea. As I was driving there I had all three kids with me, Peter and Kaitlyn fell asleep, and not only was it real hot that day I took the wrong fwy and was going the opposite way, I took a deep breath and just turned around n kept driving. Once I realized how far it was even more I was a little more disappointed, we show up, parking is full so I park far and wake the kids up, change diapers and carry Peter hold Kaitlyns hand and have Emily hold on to the pocket on my pants and there we go. We open the door and OH MY GOSH it looked like an old persons home in there!! There was old people sitting there, there was old people music playing and the kids went in ready to destroy or break something. I go in look around and read a million different signs, one saying "Please find child care for your children when coming in for treatment" another said "sorry, there is no public restroom available" another said "no one is allowed in the treatment area, so any one coming with patient must wait in lobby" finally the last one I read was "if you're not seen within 5 minutes of your appointment please let receptionist know" I was trying to Chase after the kids, they had a million lamps there that the kids kept turning on and off, stools that they were jumping off of, little houses that are meant as a display and all that stuff looked like it would break so fast!!! I sign her in and still have that bad feeling like ugh I can't believe I showed up!!! I give her my military id and she's like is this her insurance card I was like -- yes all you need is my husbands info and you have the authorization letter from her insurance. She fives me back my card with a separate card that I have to "show" Everytime I go to that says no co pay. I got a little more upset because they can just write that down in her chart! I was still trying to keep up with my kids n everyone was staring, I kept thinking about it n didn't want to do the paperwork or even be there, that's when the thought came in on how I wished I can just call peter at work n ask him what he thought of the situation or even better have him there with me, even if he wasn't deployed he is usually never able to take time off work to just "go" anywhere. Then that crazy thought that always gets to me, I wished I didn't have to wish for her dad to be there because I wished she didn't have to be stuck with the monster inside of her. Why her, why us? But as I'm thinking this ready to cry because I couldn't keep up with all the crazy stuff they had in their office, I went up to the receptionist and told her I couldn't keep the appointment because it wasn't kid friendly and I asked can I bring my children to therapy? She said no, so they can't be in the lobby then either since your sign says that, she says "um well we don't have daycare" "I know you don't have daycare, but I always go into my daughters therapy sessions and I have no one else to watch my children and I can't let her go in alone. You know I just can't keep it I'm going to have to leave." She gets this look on her face like she is worried for what would happen there but also gets a sad face like she felt sorry for me.she quickly intercoms the therapist no answer, she calls the manager and she comes out and asks me what was wrong, I explained n she was nice n took us to a room where it was so hot n tiny n talks to me saying that maybe I can make arrangements with the therapist or something with the kids if I dont feel comfortable, then I can leave. I agreed, the therapist came in all nice and happy. The kids were already annoyed and didn't want to be there. It was so hot in there too!!! No vent in there for the ac! Anyway she asks me if Kaitlyn is just there for feeding, I said no she has a lot of different issues that need to be addressed, and I told her about them. She then asks me if she has a diagnosis of any other problems. I said speech delay and autism. Oh when was she diagnosed and at what level, she meets full criteria and she was diagnosed before she turned two and just got a different diagnosis in may. Then she goes on and on how there is no cure for autism, how she will always have it n there's only to a point where she can help her with skills but she will always have those problems. I was just thinking like oh man what did I get myself into!!!! And she kept going on and on then she did assesments and then as we were done she said that she didn't have anything available until next month!!! I was irritated then she gave me a feeding hand out. And said that kaitlyn might never eat foods I want her to eat, it may take her years to even try it. I was upset at that point n ignored her. Then I ended it again with, so can I bring my other children? She said no only kaitlyn. And if I want to see her therapy session I need to find child care for my other children. I was disappointed and then asked just out of curiosity where they worked with her since it was a huge facility but full of machines. She said oh I'm going to work with her in that room then that area over there. It was a tiny enclosed space! I grabbed the kids and left. When I left not only was it super hot but I was so disappointed in myself I wanted to cry. I changed diapers, put the kids in their seats and I drove off. I wanted to scream n burst out in tears!!! Why was I such an idiot to waste precious time and money that kaitlyn could be using somewhere else! I'm back at square one!!!! Now I have to wait till Monday to call our insurance n see if they can approve a different provider. This is my 3rd time changing this year and I'm afraid they will think I'm trying to use services everywhere. I don't know we'll see when I call. But one thing for sure, I'm not going back there again!!!!

posted from Bloggeroid

Links

Ive started adding links to my blog. all of them are on here because I would really think people would be interested in looking at them. I have more to add, but since ive been "gone" for a while i havent really updated my blog. But I will get on it :)